Posted in General Posts by Ann Duncan on 5/15/2012
Waking up on the race has been different in every country. Philippines and China it was "normal" someone's wrist watch going off. South Africa it was the sounds of people getting out of their squeaky metal bunk beds and twenty people moving around in an old house. Mozambique for the first week or so it was the sound of little Juiette squealing with delight, then it was Rock's wrist watch again reminding us that we needed to be up early to take down our tent in the kitchen because they needed to set up for breakfast. in Swaziland it was the knowledge that if you didn't get up fast enough what you wanted to have for breakfast might not be there. Romania we got to sleep in, thank you snow storm. Bulgaria our contacts rarely scheduled anything in the morning, this girl made like Jack Johnson and woke up slow. Serbia in regards to waking up was a lot like Bulgaria. Here in Guatemala it's the jarring sound of fire works. These means of waking up and waking up to new surroundings every month has become normal.
What is normal? If you had asked me what normal was nine months ago my definition would have been vastly different from the one I would give you today. It's now normal for me to be surrounded by people I don't understand, literally. It's normal for me to ask someone when I arrive at their house, "Can I drink the water? Can I flush the toilet paper in the toilet?" These are rational, completely logical, very normal questions for me to ask. It's normal for me not to know what I'm doing next week, next month or the month after, or to even know where I'm going. To be honest with you the day isn't over so I don't even know where I'll go yet today. You never know when there needs to be a Coke-A-Cola run or a need for more pan (bread) ahhh me gusta mucha pan. In all honesty though this is the thought that I woke up to today, after the firework, "If this is normal, than has life back home become forgien? How long will it take me to re-acclimate to my now forgein life back in the states? Don't worry I didn't dwell too long on it, I had to down two de-worming pills with breakfast so that kind of drove the thought from mind.
Here it is though, returning. The truth is, I will return back to the states in ten weeks (roughly) and I have already started praying about that transition and what I hope it to look like. I hope and pray that the changes that God has made in me (not the asking about water and toilet paper) will remain and that I will continue to walk in them. I hope that I'm able to integrate these new changes with grace and strength. I pray against bitterness, frustration and fear. Please join me in this prayer. That and for no more parasites or malaria for any of my squad for the rest of....ever. For now, I'm going to go join Bea in her tent to watch some Twilight Zone. Yeah, that's normal....
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Posted in General Posts by Ann Duncan on 5/9/2012
Dear Mom and Dad,
The other day we hosted a mother's day tribute. The kids here at Los Gozosos honored their mothers and the nannies. It made me kind of homesick. This super cute little girl just came up and sat in my lap and snuggled in (which is easier to do because of the weight gained from all those Serbian pastries last month). There was singing and dancing by the kids, contests for the moms and nannies, and the kids presented their moms and the nannies with presents and crafts. It reminded me of the crafts I used to bring home to you guys, you know it's love when someone holds on to your scribbled paper (it was supposed to be a heart). Thank you for showing God's love to me so well and for raising me in a home based around Him. Thank you for taking me to church on Sundays and for praying for me even when I didn't believe that I deserved prayer. Thank you for praying for me when I was far away and when I was back under your roof. I love you guys very much and I can't wait to hear about your year and to tell you all about mine. I am so thankful that you are covering my return in prayer as well as my race! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You can't see it right now, but I'm doing a dance for you. I'll practice it and do it when I get home, probably after I take the longest shower of my life. OOO MAYBE EVEN A BATH! I love you and miss you!
Love,
Annie Bannie
P.S. Don't worry I don't need sunscreen, it's the rainy season. So I do need prayer for the bottom of my tent to stay dry...
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Posted in General Posts by Ann Duncan on 5/9/2012
Welcome to Guatemala!
It is unseasonably mild here, yeah that's right, prayers and words are powerful! Plus it's the rainy season... but it's still nice and cool, and that's all that matters to me, well that and that the floor of my tent stays dry. Thanks to some pine needles that is more likely to happen tonight (Throws hand up in praise). Anywho, on to what I came on here to blog about.
We were singing with the nannies here at, Los Gozosos, an orphanage and home for kids with disabilities. All the songs are in Spanish, thanks to three semesters of college Spanish I understand every third word (bonus), What really struck me is their devotion to worship and prayer. We're here behind walls that are fifteen feet high and topped with razor wire, we have a night guard and a special security system, and work, work, work, work, work, work, all day. Not an exageration. These women display sacrifice and devotion in such incredible ways. Their days start at around four thirty in the morning with showering and changing the kids, they braid and do the girls hair every day (a beautiful act of love), cook every meal from scratch, do physical therapy, CLEAN, WASH, and take the time to worship the one on whom they rely for the ability to do it all.
For someone who is learning the difficult lesson (difficult for me) to surrender and rest in God, this is downright encouraging. I'm going to start small, surrendering my worries throughout the day and then we'll see what happens. Just remembering that I'm not living this life on my own, in fact it's not my life to live, it's God's, and that scares me for some reason. Yeah this blog just took a nose dive off the high dive into the deep end. This whole "needing to be in control thing" isn't new, but it's getting the boot. I'm going to rest in God and what He says about me and trust in Him, because the truth is, if I do it, I will fail, if He does it there will be success, His success, and that's what matters. So if you're looking for a prayer request for me, join me in praying that I rest in Him. Sounds easy, but I really don't have any clue what it looks like, so the Spirit will take the reins and I will abide. Crikey this is hard. God's already won this battle. I am so thankful that He has put me here among such beautiful people and inspiring circumstances. I'm also thankful for this lesson, I don't want to rely on me, I want to rely on Him. He's better. Greater. Stronger. He's God.
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Posted in General Posts by Ann Duncan on 4/9/2012
Today we (by we I mean some of my teammates and one of my squad leaders, I cheered) got to play soccer with some of the youths (pronounced yutes) from the church. Now I'm not saying that us westerners didn't hold our own, we did, but there is a definte difference between holding your own and having an astute awareness and familiarity with what you are doing, that awareness and familiarity was apparent in our Serbian friends. Their fluidity and understanding of the game was inspiration for the following thought, soccer is a lot like God. Stick with me on this. The rest of the world depends on soccer as a pastime and turns to it usually every free second they have, the U.S. really only turns to it as something to do on weekends sometimes and only really when they can't find anything else to do. See the relation?
We (this includes me) have the tendency to try to do everything ourselves, to do everything by our own strength and power, only when we fail or fall flat on our face do we turn to God. God doesn't want to be our fall back plan, He wants to be the game plan, the one we rely on for...EVERYTHING. He wants to be our strength, our source of power, understanding and creativity. All of our abilities come from Him anyways. Me taking credit for making someone laugh or for telling a good story is like a candy wrapper taking the credit for the treat on the inside. Doesn't really work, and take a good look at what usually happens to the candy wrapper. We don't last very long, but God, His perfect and wonderful love, that endures and leaves a lasting impression, like the candy in the wrapper. Have you ever opened a wrapper and not found candy, pretty disappointing, the candy is what makes the wrapper have worth, not the other way around. We can go around saying "Wow, look at how great I am, look at what I did." But really it wouldn't be possible without the gifts that came from God anyways. God created us, showing off His creativity by displaying through us How diverse He is. My ability to make people laugh, to tell a good story, that's ALL Him. To give the glory back to Him just makes sense. To give Him the glory for what He accomplishes through us just seems right. Stay with me through this last analogy.
When we give the credit back to where the gift came from it's a lot like when we were kids and we do something great and we want to show it off so we call our parents over to see. "MOM!! DAD!! COME WATCH ME! COME LOOK AT WHAT I DID! COME SEE THIS!" Showing them with a big grin and full of excitement and joy, filled with a sense of accomplishment and confidence. They come and watch full of love and delight. Then you find out that you did something that they're good at or that they did once when they were kids and you feel that connection between you grow stronger, well it's a lot like that. God doesn't want to be the fall back plan, but the one you turn to for....EVERYTHING and the one that you say, "GOD! LOOK! LOOK WHAT YOU JUST DID THROUGH ME! WOW! I KNOW YOU SAW THAT!" Then the bond between us and our Heavenly Father grows stronger, because He delights in His children and enjoys blessing us.
To sum up, God is not a fall back plan to turn to only on weekends (like soccer to us in the U.S.) He's the candy in the wrapper (leaving a longer lasting impression that makes the wrapper worth while) and is the ultimate parent (I got these mad skills from you Dad!) and we should give Him all the credit and glory. Hope you enjoyed the tapestry of analogies, my crazy analogous skills (not spelling skills) brought to you by the creater of the universe, savior of souls and worker of miracles. Thank you for reading and I encourage you to keep your heart and mind open to the working of the Spirit, you never know what He'll use to speak to you, maybe a game of street soccer on a cold day in April or a long walk in the park. You never know, just keep you heart and mind open to His voice and guidance. Thanks for reading, I'm going to go to bed. I love you and miss you. Good night.
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Posted in General Posts by Ann Duncan on 4/5/2012
Leaving Bulgaria was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do on the race. Our ministry there was incredible and our contacts there are amazing people who walk daily in deep relationship with The Lord. They invited us into their family and poured God’s truth into us on a daily basis. Yavor challenged my writing and reminded me in a big way that I am not defined by my fear. It wasn’t until I hugged Nevena in Sofia that it sunk in that it was going to be longer than a week before I saw her again. Walking away I realized that it doesn’t really take all that long for someone to have an effect on your life. You can ask the right question, say the right phrase or do something that someone will take to heart and that will bring lasting change. We boarded our train for Serbia and as I watched the lights of Bulgaria go by out the train window I made a promise to myself that I will come back, but that promise didn’t seem to quell the hurt inside of me. The only comfort that came was the knowledge that just because we had left doesn’t mean that God had left, He is still there with them working on them, through them and with them. I found solace in the fact that the lessons that God started on me last month aren’t over and that He will complete them, and that He will continue to use me to bring change to others, and as long as I’m open, bring change to me.
What changes you ask? The long lesson of, “I’m not in control.” I’m going to be honest, this scares me, I know He’s done this before, He’s got this life, but living out that freedom, I have absolutely NO CLUE what that looks like. I want answers to questions like, “Ann what are you going to do when you get back?” Well I’m thinking of applying to get my MFA in creative writing, but if that doesn’t work out, then I have no idea. I have no idea. Hahahahaha....aaahhhhh, and embracing that it’s okay that I don’t know is not easy and letting God have control over that is NOT easy. Letting God define what I do, who I am, letting God fix situations, let Him control it, scary stuff. It will take time, that is one thing I do know, and that I can’t make this change happen. The Spirit needs to bring this change, some wisdom I have learned from Jenn, The Spirit is the one who brings about lasting and good change. So there we go.
Here we are in Serbia, blessed like crazy; beds (even for the boys who have gone without beds for the past four months) TWO bathrooms, we can flush our toilet paper (this almost seems counter intuitive at this point) we can drink the water from the sink and wait for it…..HOT WATER(!), and a super cute little girl named Hannah who just loves to be held. Some personal ones, SOY MILK!! This is the second month in a row that I’ve been able to buy soymilk! TWO MONTHS! Yeah I’m pretty stoked about it, calcium, and vitamin D, deliciousness that is lactose free and good for me! Thank you Jesus! Our contact has a nine-month-old German Shepherd (Hector) who is massive and fluffy and is now my new best friend. The trees and bushes and flowers are all in bloom in honor of the new beginnings of this time of year. I think it’s fair to say that I do love Eastern Europe. Yeah, I love Eastern Europe.
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Posted in General Posts by Ann Duncan on 4/5/2012
Ruins. We don’t have too many of these in the United States. The more time I spend away from home the more I realize just how young America is. Random nugget. While I was in Sofia I went on a walking tour with some of the members of team 2:20, as we walked around the theme of history of course dominated the tour. The palace of Justice wears the scars of WWII and of communism, the first floor designed and built in an ornate way, while the next few floors are very plain. There are churches that date back to early years of our faith that are bricks that were made before the world even knew that my country even existed. I mean some people knew about it, but they weren’t sharing that secret. In Sofia they’ve found the walls of the original city that lay there when the Roman’s ruled the area when they were blasting for the metro. How incredible would that be, “Hey I was blasting through the dirt and I came across this wall that was built a few hundred years ago, you know.”
The one story that really stood out to me was the story of the royal gardens, once belonging strictly to the royal family were opened up to the public under the communist regime and when one of the greatest communist leaders of Bulgaria passed away this park became home to his mausoleum, one of the largest in Europe. When communism fell in the 1990’s the mausoleum was taken down, people didn’t want that reminder of their past up. The thing is, the area where it was still holds the scars of the mausoleums existence.
If we try to deny our past, try to tear it down to forget it, does it really “go away”? We all have regrets, I know I do, things I have done, said or not said that haunt us. One of the many things that God is working out on me is that I can’t deny what happened in the past, it doesn’t need to define me and He can use it, He can redeem it. In order for Him to be able to redeem it though I need to bring it to Him and walk in repentance. I, as God’s daughter, walk in His grace and as a result walk in freedom. This doesn’t mean that I don’t regret my past, it means that I’m able to look back at it and know God is greater than it, that He uses screw ups and that He’s perfect, and I am not. Since He is the greatest author of all, He can use my past to make His story through me great. When I dig down into the dirt of my soul, I’ll find the foundations that really hold me up, and they can stand the test of time. Ruins, who knew that you would have so much to teach me, oh yeah, God did. It’s pretty awesome how He knows everything and uses everything to draw us into deeper relationship and dependence on Him.
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Posted in General Posts by Ann Duncan on 3/21/2012
Have you ever found something that you didn’t know you lost? For example today while I was cleaning out my pack I found a small tube of body lotion that I had put in there way back in September, I was so excited to find it too, my skin has been so dry here in Eastern Europe. Sometimes we lose things, or forget them, and we don’t even realize it. After the crash in 2008 graduation was more daunting to me. The economy was in the toilet and very few of the people I knew who had gotten job offers and after weeks of applying and working on my cover letters and my resume I was going to walk at my graduation without a job. I moved back home, praying that it was only temporary, and kept applying. I applied to three jobs a day for two months, goose eggs.
But you see, God came through in a HUGE way. A young single mom had come to my church and needed a nanny for her two sons. This led me to a second nanny job, and then a third. I got the exact jobs and internships that I had prayed for all those times that I had prayed in front of the computer. I had asked for a job that I could wear jeans to, play and laugh, work with kids, and that I would make a difference and that would challenge me, and a job where I would get my hands dirty. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever been a nanny, but it fills all of those requirements in the most wonderful way. What I didn’t know I lost you ask?
Well you see there was a lot of rejection in those years, and I can only take so much of that before I start to believe it. I had lost hope. I had lost the understanding that I was making a difference and that what I did didn’t define me, and that what those interviewers had told me and said to me didn’t define who I am. God alone defines who I am. I had forgotten that, with God all things are possible. A long time ago I had given up on a dream, the one thing that I really loved. Somewhere along the way I had been convinced that my dream wasn’t worth pursuing, that I couldn’t succeed. I bought in to the lies, God has been pealing them away slowly, replacing them with truth, courage, hope, strength, conviction, faith, and trust.
Yesterday I posted one of my stories online. I’ve written for the stage, that much is true, but to have one of my stories out there is just as thrilling and crazy to think about. I’m looking into MFA programs and am going to apply and see what happens. If I get in, great, if not that’s okay too. Neither acceptance nor rejection defines who I am. God can use my failures to bring about even greater things than I could possibly imagine, turning “failure” into a catalyst for something amazing that will bring Him glory. Thanks to my contact for setting a deadline and for editing and helping me publish online!
Check it out on writerscafe.org/writing/ann_duncan/947596/
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Posted in General Posts by Ann Duncan on 3/17/2012
Bulgaria is different from anything that I imagined. I’ve already had such an incredible time here, and it’s only my second day here. Our contact here is incredible. They have started a church and an outreach to teenagers, in which they teach music lessons; guitar, piano, voice and whatever they can, and when the opportunity to talk about faith or life presents itself they begin a conversation with the teenagers about Jesus. They are wonderfully unassuming, genuine and seem to completely lack the ability to be judgmental. It’s incredibly refreshing. Not that I have experienced anything opposite to this on the race, but over the course of my life; image, judgment (both from myself and from others) and possession seem to have permeated my existence. It’s sad to think that these things have percolated in the church, that possessions are more important than the one who provided for them, that our personal image matters more than portraying God’s image to those around us, that we think we are in a position to pass judgment, on ourselves or on others. I am guilty of theses things as well. Over the course of this journey I have come to realize that it’s God’s voice that I should be listening to, it’s Him who defines who I am, not my possessions. It’s Him who provides for me and He is greater than anything that He provides. It’s Him who judges me, not myself not anyone else. This life of mine, isn’t in fact mine, it’s His. I’m here to bring Him glory and honor. I’m here to show His love, His grace and His truth. So ultimately, it’s not about me, it’s about Him, and that’s what makes all the difference. I’m just growing in giving Him control over the life that’s already His. So that’s what I’ve been walking through in the past forty-eight hours or so.
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Posted in General Posts by Ann Duncan on 3/17/2012
Orphans, each one has a different story and each country we have been to treats them differently. Here in Bulgaria there are parents who drop their children off at the orphanage to be raised there until they are old enough for them to come back and help raise money for the family. If this is the case the children are never fully given over to the state and therefore not fully up for adoption. There have even been cases when someone has adopted a child and then become pregnant and returned the child that they adopted. These last couple of days I got to go and rake leaves at an orphanage. The yellow paint doesn’t do a very good job of hiding the fact that the building was built during the time of communism. After a long morning and afternoon of raking leaves in the playground we were allowed to play with the orphans for an hour. Worth it. They were toddlers who initially clung to the hands of the women who brought them into the room, but after some play time with a parachute and some musical instruments we were immersed in hugs and giggles. There was singing, dancing and lots of playing. It was so cool to see Rock dancing with one of the little boys, to see Amanda playing with a bunch of them bringing them fits of giggles and to watch a little girl snuggle up with Jenn. It only lasted for an hour, but the impact was complete. We are, none of us, orphans. We all have been adopted by our heavenly Father into a holy family that is powerful and strong because of whom our Father is. He is never going to let go of us or give up on us. Saying goodbye to the children wasn’t easy, knowing that I may never see them again hurt, but I left them in the capable hands of the Holy Three.
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Posted in General Posts by Ann Duncan on 2/17/2012
I'M FULLY FUNDED!!!!! THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!! OOOH I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!! THANK YOU SOOO VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH!! Thank you Jesus!! OH SO STOKED!! I'm so excited to see you in five and a half months!! It's going to be EPIC!! Thank you so much for your generosity and you prayers! It means so very much to me!! I am so blessed to have you in my life as a demonstration of Christ! Thank you so much!! Yes I am dancing around the room hugging people and taking a moment to type! It is really cold in here. The main building doesn't have the heat up very high. Think of when you would walk back into your dorm after winter break, just warm enough to keep the pipes from freezing. I'm going to go spread the joy!! Thank you Jesus, thank you friends and family!! I love you oh so much!! I pray that God bless you, that His abundance and joy would pour down on you. Amen! feel free to dance wherever you are, knowing that you are not dancing alone, this woman is dancing too, just happens to be on the other side of the world is all.
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